(Redirected from Courtesy)
'Etiquette', one aspect of
decorum, is a code that governs the expectations of
social behavior, according to the
conventional norm within a
society,
social class, or
group. Usually unwritten, it may be codified in written form. Etiquette usually reflects formulas of conduct in which
society or
tradition have invested. An etiquette may reflect an underlying
ethical code, or in may grow more as a
fashion, as in eighteenth century Britain where apparently pointless acts like the manner in which a tea cup was held became important as indicators of
upper class status. Like "
culture", it is a word that has gradually grown plural, especially in a
multi-ethnic society with many clashing expectations. Thus, it is now possible to refer to "an etiquette" or "a culture", realizing that these may not be universal. In Britain, though, the word etiquette has its roots in the eighteenth century, becoming a universal force in the nineteenth century to the extent that it has been described as the one word that aptly describes life during the reign of
Queen Victoria [1].
Norms and effects of etiquette
Etiquette fundamentally prescribes and restricts the ways in which people interact with each other, and show their
respect for other people by conforming to the norms of society.
Modern etiquette instructs people to:
★ Greet friends and acquaintances with warmth and respect
★ Refrain from insults and prying curiosity
★ Offer
hospitality equally and generously to guests
★ Wear
clothing suited to the occasion
★ Contribute to conversations without dominating them
★ Offer assistance to those in need
★ Eat neatly and quietly
★ Avoid disturbing others with unnecessary noise
★ Follow the established rules of an organization upon becoming a member
★ Arrive promptly when expected
★ Comfort the bereaved
★ Respond to invitations promptly.
By way Iof contrast, Roman etiquette varied by class. In the upper strata of Roman society, etiquette would have instructed a man to: greet friends and acquaintances with decorum, according to their rank, refrain from showing emotions in public, keep his womenfolk secluded from his clients, support his family's position with public munificence, and so on.
Violations of etiquette, if severe, can cause public disgrace, and in private hurt individual feelings, create misunderstandings or real grief and pain, and can even escalate into murderous rage. Many family
feuds have their beginnings in trivial etiquette violations that were blown out of proportion. In the ancient
Hindu epic Mahabharata, the entire world-destroying conflict between the armies of two clans begins when one ruler,
Duryodhana, commits a couple of minor ''faux pas'' at his cousin's castle, and is impolitely made fun of for it. One can reasonably view etiquette as the minimal
politics required to avoid major conflict in polite society, and as such, an important aspect of
applied ethics.
In the West, the notion of ''etiquette'', being of French origin and arising from practices at the court of
Louis XIV, is occasionally disparaged as old-fashioned or elite, a Likecode concerned only with "which
fork to use". Some people consider etiquette to be an unnecessary restriction of
freedom of personal expression; others consider such free spirits to be unmannerly and
rude. For instance, wearing
pajamas to a wedding in a
cathedral may be an expression of the guest's freedom, but may also cause the bride and groom to suspect that the E.S.guest in pajamas is expressing amusement or disparagement towards them and their wedding. Etiquette may be enforced in pragmatic ways: "No shoes, no shirt, no service" is a notice commonly displayed outside stores and cafés in the warmer parts of North America. Others feel that a single, basic code shared by all makes life simpler and more pleasant by removing many chances for misunderstandings.
Manners
Main articles: Manners
'Manners' involve a wide range of social interactions within cultural norms as in the "
comedy of manners", or a painter's characteristic "manner". Etiquette and manners, like
mythology, have buried histories especially when they seem to have little obvious purpose, and their justifications as logical ("respect shown to others" etc.) may be equally revealing to the
social historian.
Cultural differences
''Hunting lice by candlelight'', Andries Both (Dutch, ca.1612/13–1641)
Etiquette is dependent on
culture; what is excellent etiquette in one society may shock in another. Etiquette evolves within culture. The Dutch painter
Andries Both shows that the hunt for
head lice (''illustration, right''), which had been a civilized grooming occupation in the early Middle Ages, a bonding experience that reinforced the comparative rank of two people, one groomed, one groomer, had become a peasant occupation by 1630. The painter portrays the familiar operation matter-of-factly, without the sarcasm this subject would have received in a nineteenth-century representation.
Etiquette can vary widely between different cultures and nations. In China, a person who takes the last item of food from a common plate or bowl without first offering it to others at the table may be seen as a glutton and insulting the generosity of the host. Similarly, amongst older
Australian women, a woman who takes the last item of food is called the old spinster, whilst in most European cultures a guest is expected to eat all of the food given to them, as a compliment to the quality of the cooking.
Etiquette is a topic that has occupied writers and thinkers in all sophisticated societies for millennia, beginning with a behavior code by
Ptahhotep, a vizier in ancient Egypt's
Old Kingdom during the reign of the Fifth Dynasty king
Djedkare Isesi (ca. 2414–2375 B.C.). All known literate civilizations, including ancient Greece and Rome, developed rules for proper social conduct.
Confucius included rules for eating and speaking along with his more philosophical sayings. Early modern conceptions of what behavior identifies a "
gentleman" were codified in the sixteenth century, in a book by
Baldassare Castiglione, ''Il Cortegiano'' ("The Courtier"); its codification of expectations at the
Este court remained in force in its essentials until
World War I. Louis XIV established an elaborate and rigid court ceremony, but distinguished himself from the high bourgeoisie by continuing to eat, stylishly and fastidiously, with his fingers. An important book about etiquette is ''
Galateo, overo de' costumi'' by Monsignor
Giovanni della Casa; in fact, in
Italian, etiquette is generally called ''galateo'' (or ''etichetta'' or ''protocollo'').
In the UK,
Debrett's is considered by many to be the arbiter of etiquette; their guides to manners and form have long been the last word among polite society. Traditional publications such as ''Correct Form'' have recently been updated to reflect contemporary society, and new titles ''Etiquette for Girls'' and ''Manners for Men'' act as guides for those who want to combine a modern lifestyle with traditional values.
In the American colonies
Benjamin Franklin and
George Washington wrote codes of conduct for young gentlemen. The immense popularity of advice columns and books by
Letitia Baldrige and
Miss Manners shows the currency of this topic. Even more recently, the rise of the Internet has necessitated the adaptation of existing rules of conduct to create
Netiquette, which governs the drafting of email, rules for participating in an online forum, and so on.
In Germany, there is an "unofficial" code of conduct, called the ''
Knigge'' a book of high rules of conduct written by
Adolph Freiherr Knigge in the late 18th century entitled exactly ''Über den Umgang mit Menschen (On Human Relations)''. The code of conduct is still highly respected in Germany today and is used primarily in the higher society.
Etiquette may be wielded as a social weapon. The outward adoption of the superficial mannerisms of an in-group, in the interests of social advancement rather than a concern for others, is a form of
snobbism, lacking in
virtue.
See also
Further reading
★ ''The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette: 50th Anniversary Edition,'' by Nancy Tuckerman, Nancy Dunnan, and
Amy Vanderbilt, Doubleday (1995), ISBN 0-385-41342-4, 786 pages: originally published in 1952, this and
Emily Post's book were the U.S. etiquette bibles of the 50's-70's era.
★ ''Debrett's Correct Form,'' Debrett's Limited (2006), 192 pages.
★ ''Debrett's Wedding Guide,'' Debrett's Limited (2007), 224 pages.
★ ''Debrett's Etiquette for Girls,'' Debrett's Limited (2006), 224 pages.
★ ''Debrett's Manners for Men: What Women Really Want,'' Debrett's Limited (2007), 192 pages.
★ ''Eye to Eye: How People Interact,'' by Peter Marsh, Salem House Publication, ISBN 0-8816-2371-7, 256 pages.
★ ''From Clueless to Class Act, series of books on etiquette,'' by
Jodi Smith deals with proper etiquette for men and women.
★ ''The Little Book of Etiquette'' by Dorothea Johnson, Protocol School of Washington, Philadelphia/London, Running Press (1997)ISBN-13-978-0-7624-0009-6, 127 pages. A pocket-sized, take-along reference book for the user's convenience.
★ '' Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Freshly Updated'', by
Judith Martin, illustrated by Gloria Kanem, W.W. Norton & Co. (2005), ISBN 0-393-05874-3, 858 pages.
★ ''New Manners for New Times: A Complete Guide to Etiquette,'' by
Letitia Baldrige, New York: Scribner, 2003, ISBN 0-7432-1062-X, 709 pages.
★ ''The Power of Handshaking for Peak Performance Worldwide'' by Robert E. Brown and Dorothea Johnson, Protocol School of Washington, Capital Books, Inc., Herndon, Virginia (2004), ISBN 1-931868-88-3, 98 pages.
★ ''Town & Country Modern Manners: The Thinking Person's Guide to Social Graces,'' by Thomas P. Farley, Hearst Books (September 2005), ISBN 1-58816-454-3, 256 pages.
External links
★
Debrett's
★
Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home, by
Emily Post (1922)
★
Global Guide to Etiquette and Customs by Kwintessential
★
Are Paris Waiters Rude Or Is It You?, by Michel Endene. A web article on cultural differences and etiquette.
★
Cellphone Etiquettes
★
Email Etiquette
★
Etiquette & Dress
★
Wiki Etiquette Wiki about etiquette from
Wikia
★
[2]by Protocol School of Washington
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